Monday, October 01, 2012
I should have a blog alarm, reminding me to blog when I've neglected my blog.
Yep, so I'll talk about my photography journey, since it's a topic that recently arose.
So there was a period of 1-2 years where I was really into photography. I really enjoyed trying out capturing scenes that I could see with my eyes, and making them even more unique through my camera. Though I found each photo-taking session very tiring, I found it really fulfilling to be able to emerge with a few shots out of the hundreds that I could be proud of.
Many times when I took photos, I found myself wondering in the middle, if I was just being a person who held a camera; because it seemed that I could try very hard for periods of time, yet not yield satisfactory photos. Sometimes I could hold the camera and every shot was a happy shot. So it was something that I could not have control over. Also, I always wondered what it would take for me to go a bit closer to that "professional" level, since I tried very hard, but my standard of photos remained at the avid hobbyist level.
And one day I was just hanging out with my friends, one of whom is a close relation of a photographer that I once went on a photo shoot (or two) with. This friend accidentally let it slip that the photographer had remarked that my photography skills were so-so (complete with the mediocre hand actions). And while I did not show it, it was just somewhat discouraging that I could try so hard yet not reach a decent standard.
From then on, my interest in photography wavered. I could no longer muster up enough energy nor interest to take photos for long. I recently did a photo shoot, and while I had fun during the event, the photo-taking itself was a stressful job. I feared screwing up at every step of the way, because I'm constantly reminded that my skills are mediocre. The photographer who made the comment probably does not know up till today that the friend had blurted out the comment to me, and that that was the very reason why my interest waned.
Honestly, I don't blame anyone for this except myself. I could've very well chosen to not be discouraged by the comments and continued trying. Who knows, I might actually be closer to the standard that I wish to reach. But somehow, I can just no longer find the drive to do it. Not that I dislike photography. To me, it's still fun on a recreational level; but it stops there. Maybe one day when I've stopped chionging all other aspects of my life, I might re-pursue this hobby. But for now, I've got other things to pursue, that I can actually excel at.
So there you have it, the story of why I stopped being such an avid photographer.
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