Saturday, August 02, 2008
I'm starting to more or less understand how my life works.
3 steps - Understand, acknowledge, accept. I'm currently at the acknowledge-accept stage for most things in my life.
I spend enough time thinking such that I come to realise a lot of things. Then when I snap out of my own simple reality, that's acknowledging that the cruel things that are happening are actually real. And when I finally admit defeat, that marks the end of yet another strike in my life.
Was sitting in service today and quietly journelling down my own thoughts. Quite cool. I realised that I'm back to square one of this vicious cycle that is my life. Exactly the same situation, just that I'm not taking it as badly, though the pain is much worse.
Just, tired. Of? Everything. Everything that is Mad, I'm sick of it. Perhaps filling up my time is a form of escapism. I've done up my schedule this semester such that I'm extremely busy, and every free time that I have will either be spent mugging, with my boys, praying, or having meetings. So that I won't have the time to stop and think. But for now while I'm waiting for school to start, it's just painful.
Dear God please help me get through this once again. I'm really tired. Can I finally get out of this vicious cycle? I'd like to have something good that is ____ come my way finally, instead of the same old same old false hopes.
I counted. I have...5 blogs. Excluding the ministry one. 2 public (If you visit my old archives you will realise they belong to another address), 3 private. 4 blogger, 1____. Wow. And they are updated on a regular basis. Which explains why I take so long for one update here.
3 steps - Understand, acknowledge, accept. I'm currently at the acknowledge-accept stage for most things in my life.
I spend enough time thinking such that I come to realise a lot of things. Then when I snap out of my own simple reality, that's acknowledging that the cruel things that are happening are actually real. And when I finally admit defeat, that marks the end of yet another strike in my life.
Was sitting in service today and quietly journelling down my own thoughts. Quite cool. I realised that I'm back to square one of this vicious cycle that is my life. Exactly the same situation, just that I'm not taking it as badly, though the pain is much worse.
Just, tired. Of? Everything. Everything that is Mad, I'm sick of it. Perhaps filling up my time is a form of escapism. I've done up my schedule this semester such that I'm extremely busy, and every free time that I have will either be spent mugging, with my boys, praying, or having meetings. So that I won't have the time to stop and think. But for now while I'm waiting for school to start, it's just painful.
Dear God please help me get through this once again. I'm really tired. Can I finally get out of this vicious cycle? I'd like to have something good that is ____ come my way finally, instead of the same old same old false hopes.
I counted. I have...5 blogs. Excluding the ministry one. 2 public (If you visit my old archives you will realise they belong to another address), 3 private. 4 blogger, 1____. Wow. And they are updated on a regular basis. Which explains why I take so long for one update here.
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