Wednesday, February 13, 2008
I realised, that this year I've been talking less and seeing more. Somehow I've been questioning and making my own decisions rather than accepting things as they are. Perhaps that's why I'm feeling so tired. The constant uphill journey, the fighting, the challenging. I still haven't had a good rest since last year. So what am I doing?
Somehow my way of looking at things have changed. Suddenly nothing is a bright and cheery picture anymore. I see a lot more. Sadly, being part of the production for the event this Saturday, has caused my impression of people to change. It's such that I'm not so busy that I'm running around doing doing doing, but I get the time to sit in the sidelines, and observe. In all honesty I'm disappointed at what I'm seeing. Somehow I start to see the ugly side of people. Even though everyone hides it away, but amidst all the stress and tension, these things pop out here and there. And me being the one who's keeping quiet and watching, sees everything.
Ah well. I'm not exactly the nicest of people out there either. Because I'm starting to see the bad things, so I'm starting to doubt these people more. Which, is not good. Oh, but I shall remind you, that is, my problem, and not yours.
I need the time to cry. I promised myself never to cry, but everything is still falling apart.
I really should stop hoping that anything good would come out of this. I wish I could get myself out of this vicious cycle. But it isn't a vicious cycle for nothing. My life is a joke.
Somehow my way of looking at things have changed. Suddenly nothing is a bright and cheery picture anymore. I see a lot more. Sadly, being part of the production for the event this Saturday, has caused my impression of people to change. It's such that I'm not so busy that I'm running around doing doing doing, but I get the time to sit in the sidelines, and observe. In all honesty I'm disappointed at what I'm seeing. Somehow I start to see the ugly side of people. Even though everyone hides it away, but amidst all the stress and tension, these things pop out here and there. And me being the one who's keeping quiet and watching, sees everything.
Ah well. I'm not exactly the nicest of people out there either. Because I'm starting to see the bad things, so I'm starting to doubt these people more. Which, is not good. Oh, but I shall remind you, that is, my problem, and not yours.
I need the time to cry. I promised myself never to cry, but everything is still falling apart.
I really should stop hoping that anything good would come out of this. I wish I could get myself out of this vicious cycle. But it isn't a vicious cycle for nothing. My life is a joke.
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