Friday, March 16, 2007
I think that after this round of papers I need to sit myself down in front of my piano, turn on my recording function in my player and spend a good half hour playing anything that comes to mind. I totally forgot about the piano until my media player randomly played a recording I did many months ago. It's been a long time since I've allowed myself the luxury of basking in the pleasures of an activity I enjoy. I don't find studying a luxury, it's a necessity. Somehow when the pressures of academics comes down hard, and at the same time I try to busy myself so I wouldn't think about any other things, I find myself throwing myself into mugging. Obsessive yes I know. Call it a form of escapism, it's a place where I forget even myself. Highly likely I forget what I've studied so far too.
Have a test tomorrow. Consequence of not preparing for the paper at all - late night. But I can't afford to keep too late a night because I have 2 other papers coming up real soon. I'm so groggy I couldn't distinguish a discrete set from a continuous set, and I was reading through the proofs at snail speed. Have half a mind to go to sleep and wake up early tomorrow to mug. It's not feasible though. I will not wake up. So I might as well chiong the whole thing now.
I'm glad that school holidays are coming in slightly over a month. Yet I'm in a loss as to what I'm going to do. Many a time I've found myself using late lectures/papers/mugging as an excuse to get out of things I have no motivation to participate in. But when school closes, I'll have nothing to hide behind. I've considered getting a job, yet I want a good rest. My last long break was not at all a break because I had too much to deal with. I've dealt with and this hols I just want to lie back and sleep. Seriously sleep. With no qualms about waking up and having work to do, no need to consider stopping my cartoons because I need to go back to my books, no need to rush to and fro school. Simply, chill. And anyways after this hols I get another round of 2 hectic semesters since the next break is not significant at all.
And I feel real stupid. No details, but as I think over many things I wonder how could I have thought in such a way, or how I could have allowed people to make use of me. Maybe if I don't look back I won't feel stupid. But better feeling stupid than being ignorant and foolish I guess.
Alright, back to mugging.
Have a test tomorrow. Consequence of not preparing for the paper at all - late night. But I can't afford to keep too late a night because I have 2 other papers coming up real soon. I'm so groggy I couldn't distinguish a discrete set from a continuous set, and I was reading through the proofs at snail speed. Have half a mind to go to sleep and wake up early tomorrow to mug. It's not feasible though. I will not wake up. So I might as well chiong the whole thing now.
I'm glad that school holidays are coming in slightly over a month. Yet I'm in a loss as to what I'm going to do. Many a time I've found myself using late lectures/papers/mugging as an excuse to get out of things I have no motivation to participate in. But when school closes, I'll have nothing to hide behind. I've considered getting a job, yet I want a good rest. My last long break was not at all a break because I had too much to deal with. I've dealt with and this hols I just want to lie back and sleep. Seriously sleep. With no qualms about waking up and having work to do, no need to consider stopping my cartoons because I need to go back to my books, no need to rush to and fro school. Simply, chill. And anyways after this hols I get another round of 2 hectic semesters since the next break is not significant at all.
And I feel real stupid. No details, but as I think over many things I wonder how could I have thought in such a way, or how I could have allowed people to make use of me. Maybe if I don't look back I won't feel stupid. But better feeling stupid than being ignorant and foolish I guess.
Alright, back to mugging.
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